eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
