I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
