It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
