A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
