My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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