Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
