hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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