It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
