I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
