doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
