Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
