I look better un-naked...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
