Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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