I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
