What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
