Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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