We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
