But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
