I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I look better un-naked...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
