i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
