I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize