To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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