Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
