At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
