does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
