did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
