Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
