Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I checked into jail on foursquare
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
