were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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