Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
