I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
