I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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