Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
