i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
