he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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