No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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