yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
