the condom got lost in my hair
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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