her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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