why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
