MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
