So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
