i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is Oprah even human
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
