Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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