i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
