just tell him i said nine months
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
