eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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