Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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