i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
