There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
