tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
