we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
