I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's just like the Real World with babies
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
