No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
