A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
