***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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