sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
