he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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