Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
