I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
