I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
