Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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