I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
