I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you made out with another girl for some wings
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
