got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just invented taco cereal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
