dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
