We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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