They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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