Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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