You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
