but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
