There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i came on her dog
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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